Homework Boundaries

Healthy Boundaries Can Help with Homework Time

We have been discussing how boundaries can help youth and adults manage the stress we all experience in our everyday lives. Last month, I shared an example of a boundary that my daughter created for herself when she needed more quiet time to read and study. She was able to express her need and come up with a great solution that the rest of the family could accept and respect.

Unfortunately, our children can’t always express in words what they need. They try to tell us in other ways—with tears, stomachaches, yelling, grouchiness, or becoming unusually quiet and withdrawn. When those actions last longer than a day or two, the problem won’t go away by itself. The youth need adult help to create a healthy boundary. They may even need the parent or caregiver to enforce the healthy boundary for them—just ignore their complaints about it!

Last year, Beacon Community Impact’s Health and Wellness Team asked 4th graders to anonymously describe their experiences with stress. The students wrote that family and school were their top sources of stress. They mainly feel stress as negative emotions or physical illness. Almost a third of the children said they experience a lot of stress.

How can healthy boundaries help de-stress this regular activity?

Homework Boundary #1: Give your children 30 minutes of free time after they come home from school before starting homework.

Why is this important? Our brains are designed to learn but they get physically tired from concentrating for long periods of time. School is work for your children. Their brains need rest or play breaks before they can focus on the next assignment. Parents’ brains may need this break too before they can help.

Homework Boundary #2: Have your child describe the assignment to you.

Why does this help? If students can’t describe what the assignment is, they are probably unclear on how to complete it. If they know you expect this description every day, they are likely to pay more attention in class and ask the teacher additional questions.

Homework Boundary #3: If both parents and students don’t understand an assignment, it’s time to ask the teacher for help. Call or email the teacher and explain the situation.

Is this really necessary? Teachers want your children to succeed. Your sincere questions help them understand what your student needs to learn. Parents and teachers are partners and when they work together, student understanding increases. Parent, teacher, and student voices are all valuable and essential for making progress.